Yepz, your homie is growing up :') I turned 19 years old last month, 2nd January 2017. The numbers are growing, so do I. (& my body shape too, hahah tagune) Different years, different challenges I have to face. The more the age numbers, the more obstacles to come in your way. It makes us who we are now; stronger beyond our expectations. I like this part where while facing those problems, we would find the best way to solve it. It makes me to think matured & wiser. We cannot run from our problems. The end of the day, we have to face it again & again because it's the circle of life.
It was been hectic month last month (January) for me. The hormones started to play its roll, where they were about to ruin my life. Hahahaha JK. I couldnt stand with the stress, I cried like a lot last month. Almost lead me to depression, where I didnt want to go out to see the world, I like to stay in my cave (room) playing my phone most of the time, I can count using my fingers how many times in a week I ate my mother's food, I am glad that I have a brother who has a nafsu besar towards food. Hehehe.
I had this one problem which I couldnt tell you guys because it was too private & confidental (cewah). I cried to my mother. I told her that I wanted to quit from form 6. The pressure was real that time. I said to her like countless time that I wanted to quit. Then my mother said, "Janganlah. Habis tak fikir ke mak dah bayarkan baju kau mahal-mahal." LIKE SERIOUSLY MAK???!!! Hahaha, I was burst into tears even more. She was being a happy bunny that time showing her beautiful teeth to make me smile. I like this version of her rather than her high notes attitude. You know what I meant. I love you, Mak.
For being guilty, I didnt quit. I thought to myself, I want to be an educated person. Even to be a clerk, you gotta have atleast STPM/Diploma etc mehhh. My SPM result wasnt that good. So yeah. My seniors told me that I have to prepare mentally & physically. You have to handle with the teachers, activities, reports, assignments, & you could be the most busiest man in the world. I believed them. I am in amazed where they could handle with all that. We didnt know what they have gone through, so dont judge. Herherher. I didnt really like the comparison between, STPM, DIPLOMA, MATRIKS, etc because, guys... we are in different places. Are you expecting that we were going to feel the same stress, or even the same schedule? Like, what? Even we are in the same level of certificates make us the same? Hell, no! Only ourselves know how tough it is to be a student, to reach good grades, to make our parents & teachers happy & even to make ourselves proud.
I wish life was easy.
To be honest, I am not ready yet to grow up. I am not ready for any commitments. I still want to be in my mother's ketiak where I called home. I am image-ing myself being a mother, where I would be longing my days with my parents. After this, nobody would nag to me to wash my own laundry, to do the dishes, to send me to school, to see my progress being a human. No more. I am not ready to be in that phase. Did you guys feel me? No? Oh ok. It's not that I am the most manja in the family. My parents never did that ok. How I wish I could turn back time & embrace all the old days with my family. I miss my childhood. Seriously.
In fact, that is the truth. I am growing up day by day. I will face whatever comes today with a positive mind, attitude & behaviour. Life wasnt easy just like the novels that we read; where we meet our prince charming & have a happy ending. Because some walks we have to take alone. We have to be independent, in our own. Human wrote them. But Allah SWT has wrote beautifully our journey as a human being. Nothing less I could do than pray to Him to lead & guide me to the right path where I can found my own happiness. InsyaALLAH. :)
I am bubbling to myself while wrote this. Bare with me guys! Hehe. Thank you for reading :)